Tamiflu ineffective against Taffy Flu
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WHO suspicion as China quarantines Tibet
There was deep suspicion today after news emerged that China had completely quarantined Tibet.
With swine flu becoming increasingly problematic for China, specialist Tami-tanks rolled into Lhasa’s streets this morning. A Chinese Government spokesman confirmed that this was planned to ‘restrict the spread of this virulent pox’,whilst rejecting completely rumours that anti-government protestors, Uighurs and people selling cheap Rolex knock-offs would also be quarantined.
Posted 1 year, 1 month ago at 1:10 PM. Add a comment
Panic amongst farming community after first confirmed pig case of Man Flu
There was widespread fear today after it was confirmed the virulent strain of Man Flu FU2 has crossed the species line into pigs.
The outbreak has been pinpointed to a small farm in Norfolk owned by Sean Moxley. Mr Moxley’s suspicions were raised when one of his litter refused to leave his messy sty despite the delicious aroma of fresh pigswill wafting in. “He could barely lift a trotter”, disclosed Mr Moxley, “and I instantly recognised what he was sick with. I even wheeled out the telly to give him a bit of Babe TV but he just turned his snout up at it”.
The pig in question was quickly put into isolation, but fears are growing that it may be too late to prevent the disease spreading, especially as there is currently no effective vaccine.
A Government Health Official confirmed that this could be the start of an international pandemic, although Mr Moxley was more optimistic, adding that he hoped to have his litter cured by the weekend.
Posted 1 year, 2 months ago at 10:19 AM. Add a comment
Common Cold to rebrand as ‘The People’s Sniffle’ in bid to increase popularity
With Swine Flu becoming increasingly popular during 2009, the artist formerly known as The Common Cold revealed an intriguing name change today at a press launch not to be sneezed at.
‘The People’s Sniffle’ today shuffled wearily in front of the assembled masses, claiming ‘I’m really hot’. His PR agency, Coffup & Retch, said that the name represented the ailment’s core brand values and would help increase popularity particularly in the not-working class.
Comparisons were drawn with Diana, People’s Princess, although representatives were keen to stress that there’s no truth that she was being driven through a dark Parisian tunnel at ludicrous speeds to fetch some cough sweets.
Posted 1 year, 2 months ago at 6:18 PM. Add a comment
Government urged to “stand up” to Mexican Wave threat
There were animated scenes in Parliament today as the Government were repeatedly urged to ’stand up’ to threat posed from the Mexican Wave.
Anger swept around the House as the Prime Minister repeatedly rose to the despatch box at the wrong time. “He’s bloody hopeless”, claimed one anonymous backbencher, “he was just as bad at the Hokey Cokey, putting it into public hands and then taking it back out again completely out of sync. Let’s hope he’s better with the nation’s gold reserves…oh bugger”.