London’s glittering West End downgraded to sparkly
Climate change causes London 2012 to merge Summer and Winter Olympics
There was a surprise announcement today from Sebastian Coe that London 2012 will be the first ever combined Summer and Winter Olympics. A combination of climate change and the credit crunch has led to emergency plans being formalised for the new games format.
Many sports will be affected by the new icy track and field rules. Javelin Jumping will see competitors with skis launched off the end of a 70 metre ramp carrying a large spear, whilst Discus Dancing will see large, steroid-filled Eastern Europeans in sparkly leotards launch their discs at the end of a triple salchow with toe loop; spectators in rows A-M should wear appropriate headgear. Competitors in the pool will also have to contend with frozen conditions. Swimmers will be allowed to slide on glorified tea trays, the water polo players will skate on horses, whilst only the very brave will enter the high-diving event.
The BBC will be the host broadcaster of this sporting first, with lead commentator Stuart Hall excitedly proclaiming ‘haaaaa, haaaa, oooh, he’s mmmmwaaahaaaaa, spppppp, mnahhhh oh ho ho ho ho, mwaaaaahaahahaaaaa’.
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Architect resigns after new development given crap nickname
Lars Thorp today surrendered his membership of RIBA after his proposed London development was given the nickname of ‘The Office Block’.
“This is a slur on my character”, sobbed the world-famous architect. “After The Gherkin, The Testicle and The Walkie-Talkie Tower I was at least hoping for ‘The Carrot Stick’”.