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A&E departments put on red alert for two days without sport
Accident & Emergency departments were put on the highest alert this morning, at the start of two whole days without sport.
With Wimbledon finishing yesterday and The Ashes not beginning until Wednesday, reports were coming in this morning of cack-handed men emerging from the sofa to tackle the backlog of DIY, often with devastating results.
“We warned that this would happen”, said Liz Matthews of The Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents, “The start of the cricket season overlapped nicely with the end of the football, and the under 21 tournament segued nicely into Wimbledon, but this gap was always a concern. We urged the authorities to arrange a darts tournament or even just a snooker friendly, but they wouldn’t listen. And now it’s carnage out there”.
The first casualty, Dave Philips from Stockport, was rushed to hospital after drilling through his foot whilst trying to clean the windows. “I’m not really DIY-fit”, he revealed, “I’ve had no preparation this year and that’s shown through under the pressure of being out there on the ladder. Still, apparently my hospital bed’s TV has got Sky, so I can put my foot up and relax. Is it time for my bed bath yet nurse?”.