Prime Minister goes into hiding ahead of Scottish Grouse Hunting Season
Prime Minister urged to join paid gap-year scheme
The Government called today on Gordon Brown to become the first high-profile applicant for its new paid gap-year scheme.
Up to 500 places are available, with sources confirming that the Prime Minister’s name is top of the list.
Successful applicants travel to countries with struggling economies to take part in projects such as building schools and improving hospital facilities. Although both the Headteachers’ Association and the NHS insisted he’d done quite enough for them already.
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Government announces plans to electrify Gordon Brown
The Government unveiled plans yesterday to update its heavy, old-fashioned laughing stock with a newer model.
This will mean that the British public will now be able to complete the journey to Rack & Ruin in record time. Passenger Tax is forecast to rise considerably as a result, according to many business analysts.
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Gordon Brown is urged to bow out with dignitas
Parliament united today over calls for the Prime Minister to leave Westminster with immediate effect, rather than go through political suicide at the polls.
“He’s been limping along now for a while”, revealed one cabinet source, “and it’s time to give him a push to put him out of his misery. He’d be doing the British taxpayer a service, and adding one way passenger duty to the coffers”.
Rumours abound that the PM may in fact be planning a new Government funded initiative, tentatively called Calamitas.
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Brown regrets reprise of Churchill speech at War Commemoration event
“Never was so much owed by so many” not so well received this time around, confirmed a Labour spin doctor.
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Labour Party admits Beta release of Prime Minister “still has unresolved glitches”
“A new patch should be available soon for him”, said a party source.
Posted 1 year, 2 months ago at 6:23 PM. Add a comment
Government unable to remember password for cyber-security presentation
There were chaotic scenes today as the Government attempted to launch its new initiative aimed at improving cyber-security in the digital age.
With Powerpoint booted, the Security Minister became increasingly agitated as he pressed variations of CTRL, ALT and FUNCTION all to no avail. Even the time-honoured trick of typing PASSWORD failed to circumvent the tight security on the file.
The IT desk were promptly notified, giving this response: ‘your request has been notified, raising the ticket number 00038761/A/672. You should receive a response within 72 hours, however at peak periods this can be longer. Have you tried turning it off and on again?’
More as soon as we can get into it…
Posted 1 year, 2 months ago at 7:47 PM. Add a comment
Nick Griffin appointed Extreme Sports Minister
More soon…
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“No defence budget issues” insists Prime Minister at launch of HMS Cool Cola
“Rumours of a £9bn hole in our defence budget are complete fabrication”, insisted an embattled Prime Minister at a naval photo opportunity today in Portsmouth.
“The HMS Cool Cola submarine is testament to that, and despite complaints at the constant -4ºc temperature inside, I have every confidence that this craft will fizz through the water providing relief to all those with a thirst for freedom”.
The 4,000 ton vessel was sent on its way with the traditional bottle of pop smashed against its structure, although unfortunately the plastic bottle kept bouncing off.