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New Labour bids to regain popularity with name change to AAAAAAA1 Labour

The party formerly known as New Labour astounded critics today by changing its name to AAAAAAA1 Labour. The decision came in a riposte to falling popularity, particulary among the working classes.

“With so many people being forced to take on second jobs, like taxi driving and prostitution, just to survive we were inspired to show ourselves once again as the party of the people”, revealed a party insider. There were initially problems, as with so many splinter groups emerging from the party using four As was deemed to be not enough. “The seven As will make us much more future-proof, if we can survive that long”, added our source.

We called AAAAAAA1 Taxis for a comment, but all they would say is that “it’s just around the corner mate”.

Government raises £12bn under new Card Scrappage Scheme

Following the success of the Government’s initiative to take old bangers off the road, the scheme was today extended to include another old policy wreck.
The Prime Minister today announced that scrapping the unwieldy National Identity Card would qualify for £2,000 each under these new regulations. With over 60 million cards due to be rolled out, the Government heralded the raising of over £12bn as a triumph, which would lead to new party follies being announced soon.